$ For Sale $: Get medically equipped for this year’s impending doom! It’s time to prepare yourself for 2018’s predicted disasters: Nuclear warfare! Rape! Riot! Acid oceans! Narcissistic loneliness! Unprecedented impoverishment! We have all the best scientifically backed coping mechanisms at affordable rates.
Our newest contraceptive technologies include a special line of intrauterine devices designed to prevent both pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. State of the art technology syncs your IUD with your frontal lobe, allowing seamless internal tracking of all your non-consensual sexual encounters. Data can be viewed on your phone through our app which can be purchased for 10 credits/month. Follow us on Instagram and Twitter as we reveal exciting medical devices to help you cope this year.